What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine

Cardwell C. Nuckols, Ph.D. speaks to treatment providers about crack cocaine, crack addiction, and crack addicts. Nuckols gives a compelling and thought-provoking look through the perspective of the crack addict.

There are audio gaps in a few places (present in the original recording) and the recording ends a few moments before Nuckols’ talk did. Those flaws aside, this audio recording is an excellent resource for revealing truth about crack cocaine and crack addiction.

Click arrow below to hear recording.

Note: “What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine” originally appeared on my blog, ChosenFast.com.

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82 thoughts on “What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine

  1. It is sad to know why the addicted person can’t stop this cycle.
    It can really make the family feel hopless for their addict. The man explained it well, but for someone who is not an addict like myself, it’s frustrating that someone who had everything going for them, (like my ex did)decided to put a pipe on their mouth at one point. This guy grew up in a decent christian home and his older sybilings did not take that road. He did and now he is paying for the consequenses of his acctions.
    I can undertand more clearly why the addict gets stuck in this evil cycle, because they can escape from reality when high, at least for 5 to 7 minutes. Then when they are coming down, their body starts wanting more of it and it becomes a terrible cycle.
    We can’t do nothing about it, the addict has to decide wether he wants to change or not….For their own sake.
    This recording can make us understand the addict, but what we don’t understand is why they thought that crack was going to be a solution in the first place????
    Just looking at all the hopless, homless would make me not want to ever try that!
    We have to learn from others mistakes, not do them as well.
    Yes, maybe the “high” is unexplanable, so what!

    We first have to investigate before taking a step! For example, “where is this drug going to lead me too?” Can I easily become addicted to crack?” “Do crack heads have jobs?” “Can crack heads keep a job?” Is it worth it, even thinking about putting a pipe in my mouth just to see how it feels?
    “What about if I do end up like in it?”
    Many questions need to be asked before someone contenplates the thought of putting a pipe near their mouth or nose!

    It’s something to think about. It’s not like buying chocolate Hershey’s.
    This has to do with your life and your FUTURE!
    I undesrtand the addicts craving, but not why they started using in the first place.
    I don’t agree with people self medicating themselves, especially if you all ready know the outcome.
    I think people should do research before taking anything!

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  2. I spent my life savings on crack in less than 1 year, and I am depressed day after day because the money is gone. And I still smoke!!!!!!!!!!!! I need some serious help. I drink and that’s when I HAVE to have crack. Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I turned my boyfriend on to all of it and he doesn’t care at all.

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    • Girl, my man sells it, he don’t do it and he hates that I do but he loves me so he gives it to me all-day everyday. The only person that can help you is you.

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    • I used crack cocaine for2 solid years lost my career as a chef went rock bottom ,lost my apartment,dog and daughter and grandchildren because of my addiction,I put myself in a Christian base rehab 2013 for a year,moved away for 2 years been clean since 4-1-2013 drop all friends and connection associated with all drugs/ alcohol.

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    • Thats because drugs are now controlling your life. You have to go to rehab. you must attend daily meetings. I know my Daughter is a drug addict, yes she goes to meetings every day she is clean now for 9 months but who kows what tomorrow brigs. You can get off of this drug but it will not be easy.

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    • It’s all down to decisions, crack does not pose physical addiction, it’s a state of mind. Start by abstaining for a couple of days and when your relatively clean engage yourself with a little light physical and mind training. Easy does it though if you’ve been using heavily and routinely you may put your body into shock. Change your day to day routine and if you’ve been doing with other people avoid them like the plague. You need to get rid of the triggers, where you were doing it, things you did that start you using and people who cause you pain. I started when I was 18 in 1982 when there was no fast food, I had to wah the coke myself and the whole process took an hour or so before I could have my first pipe back then it was called freebasing then the worst thing happened; it came ready made that was the beginning of the end. I was on it for 25 years and have smoked houses, cars and all possessions that I held dear not to mention losing 3 long term relationships but one day I woke up and said I don’t want to be a crack smoking pensioner so I just had an epiphany and stopped. I changed more or less everything around me because of the reminders, it’s like a love affair, when you break up with someone you rid yourself of all the reminders of that person and like the saying goes the best way tho get over someone is to get under someone else. I stayed clean for 12 years and have had 2 small relapses, nothing to mention though because I you’ve got over a heavy addiction small hiccups are easy to manage but the main thing is not to get depressed by that most if not all recovering addicts will relapse more than once but that’s part of recovery. Be strong and focus on your health and your future wealth. God keep you.

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    • Find a connection with a higher power outside yourself. NA works if you work it. Diligently seek sobriety as diligently as you seek your drug of choice…I have no doubt that you would be successful.

      Praying your strength and sobriety,
      DiDi

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      • I have a friend who is a heavy crack cocaine addict.he’s been an addict for 30+ yrs.He is a veteran.He has Several issues.PTSD,MST,& BIPOLAR DEPRESSION.He’s a decent,kind man.Who i adore.but his crack problems hinders me to be in a relationship with him.I Love him immeasley.I am afraid to make a ccommitment,to him.Because his crack habit is out of control.I want to help him.
        I believe he can do it.I want to be with him.I am just afraid that he may not ever quit Crack-cocaine.
        I ‘ve never done drugs,I tryed pot as a teenager.It freaked me out.I never did it again.I truly Love this man.I believe he Loves me to.
        I’m hesitant on hvg.him move in with me.I don’t want to come home one day & find my belongings sold,or gone.He”s been in every VA rehab up & dwn.the East coast.Lost several relationships due to crack
        He’s 58 yrs.old.He said this is it.He’s too old for this lifestyle anymore.He wants to start over.With me.He believes I’m good for him.I am good for him.I just don”t don’t want to get hurt.I lived with a violent Druggie for yrs.
        I dn’t want to go backwards in my life.I am 60 yrs old.I want to move forward in life.My heart saids give him a shot,but my mind saids “No” he”s not rehabilitate yet to make that commitment to me.Any Advice would be Appreciated. Thank You.Miss T

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      • Miss T, I’ve been in your exact situation. I feel like I could have written your comment. Almost same age . 30+ year use. VA rehab. His mental health issues. I’ve never used. All of it. We were together for several years. We never married (or lived together) because I kept waiting for him to get clean and sober and stay that way. He never did. My life became more and more miserable. He was ok with his. I finally had to leave the relationship. It took me multiple tries to stop going back, and then years to get over it but I know it was the right decision. Al-Anon helped me leave. He’s still doing the same thing. But I’m ok and at peace.

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    • Really just stop n have money n do for u smoking that shit u will nnever have shit not even yourself
      Or ur kids if u have most important
      Do u like spending all your fuckin hard earned money on Drugs crack ok!!!??????????
      You will never have or b shit n people are just gonna laugh at your ass

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  3. I used crack for 4 years. I used it almost everyday. I was going through about $300.00 a day. I wanted to quit using it after the first year, but didn’t know how. I did manage to get off of it once for about 6 weeks, but one day I was having a very strong craving for it, and guess who popped by house? Yup, one of my dealers. They just happened to have some with them. I took that as a sign that it was ok to do it again.(I guess that was my way of justifing it.) I was hooked again. I remember crying while using it somedays. Swearing up and down that it would be the last time. Two years into my drug use my daughter passed away (nothing to do with my drug use, she died in a freak accident while with a family member). She was 4 years old. I had planned to quit that day, befor she passed away, but it didn’t happen, I just went through the motions, feeling so much pain from losing her and just wanting to escape the pain. I continued to use it for another two years before I finally got off of it. I never went to any treatment center, never got caught by the law. I was getting high one evening, and toward the end of the spoon I realized that I was killing myself. I wanted to be there for my other two children. I didn’t want them to find their mother dead some day with the pipe. I know this part will sound crazy if you haven’t been there, but I talked to the crack pipe. I cursed it, and told it that I was done, no more. I was not going to con family out of their money so that I could buy more, I was not going to pawn or sell one more thing. I lay there on my bedroom floor crying and praying to God for help. He gave it to me, because somehow I found the strength to throw away what was left in the spoon and to throw away the pipe. I am going on being clean for 4 years now (on Dec 12, 2008 it will be 4 years). It wasn’t easy, but I did it. When I got a craving for it I found something else to do. Sometimes I thought I was going crazy without it. I smoked up to 3 packs of cigarettes a day for a while. I talked a local hotline several times. They were my support system. I still kick myself for the things I did when I needed money to get high, but I feel that it opened my eyes to a whole new world. Quitting made me feel like a stronger person, like I can handle anything now. I am only posting this comment to let you know that there is hope, even if you see it.

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    • Amber I dont know if you visit this site anymore but from wherever you are in this world please know you’ve touched me – I’m hugging you now.. First off, I am so utterly sorry for your loss. I cant imagine that pain and what that pain drove you to do. I am suffering from the same cursed affliction. I used to do crystal meth for 7 years and found the strenght to quit that – after my best friend died in a car crash: she fell asleep at the wheel driving home from work (I suspect she may have been coming down after a 1 or 2 day binge). After 7 long months of agonizing detox – no treatment centers I too did it on my own with God, I felt like such a miserable failure to have stumbled upon this hatred dispicble drug. You see, I have always been big, fat, thick, call it what you want, morbidly obese. My first go round with meth I was pushing 350. A few great jobs later (no drug is worth your livlyhood – learned that the extremely hard away – like 2 stints in a mental hospital within a years time) I was 30lbs from my goal weight. Shedding almost 110+ lbs was no easy feat – meth is a very time consuming sport. Cheap but it takes over your life consuming it. Any hoot – after my friend passed on, I stopped. She made everyone in our “circle” swear they’d never sell or smoke with me. A promise still kept 3 ½ years later to her even in death. After fruitless attempts at trying to score, I was introduced to…. God I cant even write it, let alone voice it aloud – a co-worker had hyped up CRACK like THE very best thing. A sensual high, a wave of euphoria not like dropping Ecstasy or other drugs come close to… the devils sales pitch. June 2008 I started and here it is Dec 2009 & I too am struggling with quiting. All the speeches to myself – last time, never again, I promise you God im done – and yet here I find myself high again. What started out as a 20- 40 habit smoking with the one who introduced me to it, like some type of drug advisor, led to 20 – 40 on my own cause I always had to share with the “house”. She kept me safe, kept me from overdoing it, kept me from smoking on the streets until I couldn’t afford her “help” anymore. At my worst, I too was pushing a $300 habit. I have a little girl too – a vision of beauty. I still don’t understand how this perfect being, this gift from God came from such a wretched diseased mother. If her father only knew the shit Ive done. I consider myself a fantastic mother – that is when I’m not cracked-out, jones-ing, looking for the next way to get some $ – an elaborate story to my family, pawning this or that – there’s only so much lying you can do before all dirty deeds see the light of day. I too have never been caught by the law but I am fearful as well I will OD on the street with paraphanelia on my person in my home and then the whole sorted tale will be told and everyone will be able to put the pieces together. I am so sorry again for your loss… a terrible price to pay. I am scared my debts will be called in by God shortly. I feel as if im on borrowed time. I don’t live with my childs father – a novel in and of itself there. I am a selfish, sneaky, manipulative, conniving child of God with an enormous demon on my back. Ive even contemplated killing myself to be free from this disease – so more selfish thinking of an addict: who would take care of my child? Sometimes we need a death, to get caught by the law or family, to undergo the darkest of consequences we ourselves created with no one else to blame. I pray I outrun mine long enough to quit for good – starting this drug I weighted 400lbs and have lost over 130lbs to date (and $10,000 in 1 years time on my habit). May all those who read this be blessed – the help you need is out there in some form, God (always the best way), rehab, etc…. or even the words and story of a stranger. Don’t let your demons control you – God is waiting for you to ask for His help – He is an on-time God: He always comes through. Thank you Amber for this therapy – I think I just found the strength I needed

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    • Awesome me to 4 years5 months clean,I had to leave state 2 years after 1 year rehab to make sure I didn’t go back to it,moved back don’t associate with my friends or dealers stay low-key.

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  4. I am the wife of a crack head. I didn’t know it when I married him. I am 52 years old and he was my 9th and 10th grade crush. We never dated and when he came along 2 years ago I just knew this was it. We were married in 3 weeks and 1 day. I immediately noticed things like he wouldn’t sleep and just down right crazy stuff. It has been 2 years and dozens of promises later and we separated the day before our 2 year anniversary. I have no real foundation with this man except a 9th and 10th grade crush that is sweet and innocent. This has been a horrible roller coaster ride and I have nothing left. I want him to get help not to get me back but I feel his life depends on it. I hope the best for him but I can not be the one that fixes this. I almost didn’t survive this thing. I ask myself over and over what did I do wrong. Why could I be enough. He needs help and support. As far as I know he is on day 14-28 hopefully can’t be sure because he doesn’t live here. Have been through that day over and over in the last two years and only hope he will go past it. Other family members have fessed up to him having drug problems since his teens that attributed to 3 other fail marriages and who knows how many relationships. I guess my comment is I respect all those who have gotten off and stayed off. Not to save a relationship necessarily but to save themselves. Life is too short and precious to go UP IN SMOKE!!!!!!.
    Also it has been a constant clean and discovery process the last month with the discovery or so many pipes and pieces of pipes, empty coke baggies and this brassy steel wool stuff. Yesterday was a spoon and hyperdermic needle. This all makes my head spin because none of this took place during the time I was either awake or at home. This has been like nightmare on Elm Street. The only way to stop and end it is to have the Crack Addict leave. I am sorry for all of you who chose and now fight this every day but my heart also goes out to the people who love you. Who will never ever be the same. If you haven’t quit please quit before the calsulties increase. We don’t want to be here either. Please please hang in there and fight because the other side is sooooooo sooooo sooooo tired.

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    • My partner is doing crack last week stated out three nights back the next day. Now he has gone and taken all his stuff im
      In absolute bits xx

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    • Hi I entirely agree .
      mother of a drug addicit with mental health schizophrenia on Halopperadol injection once a month after 11 years hes suddenly started back on crack always smoked weed no one else in the family smokes drinks or does drugs . His sister a lawyer. She gets him out of most scrapes for my benefit think he will die .
      I run my own business believe my money and my mothers funded him for years his grandmother gave him everything he wanted and it caused so many arguments when I refused she used to say I was being mean and creating problems unfortunately after she passed away I feel like I carried it on tired of his abuse and anger as a family. My daughter begs me to leave the area I feel he will die though he is waiting to go into detox . The pain we go through is worse than his. This week I made a stand I moved away for a week but becouse of work I have to return afraid as when he finds out he will come over and intimidate me but I will ring the police I know we created this mess acsess ability to cash fear he will lose his home of 11 years cant stand the pain it causes the worry no one knows this pain I feel as I smile at my customers knowing he may die

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  5. I cannot keep seeing my boyfriend do this …I feel like its killing me so much worse than it is him … I need a definite answer how to help him… he promises to stop EVERYDAY but he cant i feel so bad for him that drug has taken over his life and he has no control anymroe..please please help me..or help him someone !

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  6. I to have a druggy boyfriend of 16 yrs, he went to prison for 6 yrs been home 3yrs and is again a full blown crack head, i get told every reasons in the world why and its all lies , i know a major part of him loves the high , i dnt think he will every change ,he goes to crack houses its so like nwe jack city , if does not have any input in our realationship what so ever… nothing in life is easy so why would be getting crack be …im hurting so bad but he wont leave and when hes home its like walking on egg shells i wishes i could run off i have a mortatge and a daughter ..i cry all the time i go looking for him and he blames me .. crack kills people in more ways than one

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  7. to every one in a relationshi with a drug user , that is not the person you fell in love with , its a shell of them and now you have a person who wants only there fix , they will say and do what ever it is to get it,.its so sad but very true ..until they are ready or maybe never they have to do it for themselfs, the high is so high that nothing will do , food , sex , love , that dose not matter any one .. just the killer crack . god bless you all

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    • Hi your message really confirmed to me that I did the right thing in leaving my meth addict ex of nearly 16years.
      We have 2children together and lived a good life till we moved to Australia and away from my family.
      I noticed lots of different things had changed for him and he became a neglectful dad to his kids and a even worse partner.
      I was sick of the abuse in every way from him and some of his family who knew of his habit when I had no idea.
      I grew up in a anti drug/violent family so I was new to it all.A tad naive also.
      so not long after I left he moved on with another gf and claims to be really happy which was a kick in the guts doesn’t help she’s 14years younger than him but I keep wondering what now.
      I know I’m safe and so are my kids but how could he replace his kids with drugs and now a girlfriend.
      He’s a compulsive liar to me and his kids and her.
      He cheats on her but he’s so manipulative she obviously believed him and his lies.
      Why and how can he not be a dad to his kids.
      I’m so glad he’s no longer my problem.He’s hers.

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      • I can’t make sense of the matter.It’s his kids yet he doesn’t care about them.
        just his drugs and her I assume.idk but my kids are suffering and it’s not ok.

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      • I just threw my boyfriend out but I’m miserable I love him so much I had no idea he was on crack . He’s totally out of hand at this point , he Flys off the handle, he yells , he said he wanted me to do something and I told him no , so says because we’re not getting along he won’t sleep with me I don’t have to do anything for him like cook etc , as if that’s a burden to me. I told him then he had to get out hr can’t put my life on hold. He asked me for a blanket so he could sleep on the floor in the spare room. I can’t stop crying I’m hurting so bad. He left I haven’t heard from him in several days he has no money no food no shelter. Idk if I’ll ever hear from him or will he hook up with a girl doing the same thing . Am I gonna get over this. He was steeling as well from me Idk joe he found the money I kept hidden it in different places , he does it in s split second. He even stole my gold bracelet my daughter gave me. I can’t tell her my kids don’t know any thing about it. He told me he was on crack before and his sisters had an intervention he was away for 9
        Months at that time he was on coke not crack. He said don’t tell my family Idk if I should tell them? I still love him but I had to stop him from steeling. What do I do?

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  8. I’m 19 and both of my parents are addicted to crack i want them to get help not for me but for themselves and my one and three year old siblings. I get so mad sometimes and threaten to leave that works to keep them home for a couple of days and they say that they’ll stop but i know they’re lying i honestly don’t know why i stay here sometimes we don’t have much to eat and no one works so there is no money the utilities are always on the verge of being turned off i know they want to stop but are afraid of the come down what should i do

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  9. El, I understand. You don’t stop loving someone just because they have an addiction. But you do have to make decisions about what’s best for you and your son. I encourage you to find and attend a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your community. The principles are the same, so if there’s not a Nar-Anon meeting near you, go to an Al-Anon meeting. They are fellowship groups for people whose lives are affected by someone else’s addiction. “Find solutions that lead to serenity.”

    &#187 Al-Anon web site
    &#187 Nar-Anon web site

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  10. I am 43 and dealing with someone who is currently back in prison on a parole violation for using crack. He originally went to prison for 6 years for robbery. We met in August of 08 and he went back in December 08. I have been a very supportive girlfriend while he has been incarcerated and even before that. In the 4 months that we were together he did 4 MIA’s meaning he would not answer my phone calls and I had no knowledge of where he was. I would hear from him the next day. He would constantly ask for 5 to 10 dollars every few days, saying that he needed gas to go and look for a job. We had plans to get married but I realize now that I can not proceed with even being involved with him. I feel so stupid thinking that he would quit using the drug if it meant I would leave him. He has not to this day even fully admitted to using the drug consistently. I have heard many stories from friends, relatives, and even his ex wife. I don’t understand why I am still trying to hold on to him when I know he has a problem. Even while now being incarcerated he is thinking of ways to get the drug in there to sell. Which I believe he will also be using the drug. I have recently started not answering his prison calls but I can’t even deny that I love him so much but I know that I need to protect myself and my son.

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    • PLEASE HELP ME!!! CRACK COCAIN RUINED MY LIFE AND IM NOT EVEN THE ONE USEING IT. I FELL IN LOVE
      W/ A CRACKHEAD. I CHANGEN MY ETIRE LIFE AROUND TO HELP HIM AND BE WITH HIM. I AM SO BROKEN. THIS WAS A GUY IVE KNOWN NEARLY MY WHOLE LIFE.
      HE LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME AND I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS SINCE WE SPLIT AND THE PAIN OF BEING USED AND MANIPULATED HAS NOT GOTTEN ANY BETTER. ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE SICK AND TIRED OF MY CRYING EVERYDAY. I HAVE NO-ONE LEFT TO LISTEN TO ME. IM 39 AND THE MOTHER OF 3. I SHOULD NOT FEEL LIKE A HEARTBROKEN TEENAGER ANT THIS STAGE OF LIFE.

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  11. I have had my sister and cousin and a friend die due to drug over dose and it was painful watching them change to someone else. And God saw them getting tired and they didnt want to do it anymore so he freed them. And i know that they are in heaven and at peace. I pray for all that are addicted to any substance that you get strong before it takes you. There is nothing in life that you cant over come.

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  12. If you’ve known them clean and sober, then it’s especially hard to walk away, because you know the person they really are inside, and you keep hoping that clean and sober person will stay and the addict will disappear forever. It’s a helpless and hopeless feeling to love someone who keeps disappearing on you, only to be replaced by a stranger who doesn’t know you and only cares about a drug. I wish I had an answer. Some people I know have gotten clean and stayed clean. Others, including some closest to me, are still caught up in that endless cycle. I hate it. I hate addiction. I hate watching people I love drown, close to shore, surrounded by lifeguards. But it’s real.

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  13. I got involved with a CH nearly a year and a half ago and he has been in and out of rehab and jail. I stood by thinking it would give him strength and all it did is tear me down because it didnt work and when he relapsed it was my fault. I have been split up for a few months and at first I was doing fine but now he is calling again and says he is in a rehab and found God this time. It is a more extensive program that is for 90 days but he can stay for up to 7 months but of course he doesnt want to stay that long and wants to come back in my home after 90 days. I dont think that will happen he has lied, cheated, and stolen from me and my kids. I am going to go to councelling and found a website that helps. It may help you, crackreality.com has a lot of info and support. I am in my early 40’s and would never had even thought of going out with someone like this, but didnt know until after I fell in love with him. Now I have split up several times and each time I think it is for good and I just have a issue moving on and I am still sick over him and cry alot. I try to date but cant. It is crazy how a crack addict can effect your life so much. But, I guess we are just as addicted to them as they are to drugs and we have to find out why and I guess the crying spells are just our own way of having a relapse.

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  14. i would have liked to hear the rest of the recording. i think the man is very insightful and information on this drug, what to expect, weather there is any hope for an addict, is very difficult to find on the internet. there is SO little actual information about crack cocaine addicts in terms of solutions that actually are effective in helping them remain sober, what works, what doesnt, that it can be as frustrating as it is to understand the addict’s behavior and in making decisions that are actually benificial to all involved and not enabling.
    thank you for posting this. if there is a way to find the rest of the recording, id be very interested in hearing it.

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    • I made the audio recording from a video recorded by a friend who attended the talk. The video was poor quality and cut out in parts, so what I posted is all there is, unfortunately. There’s lots of research about crack addiction, and I hope to get more online about that soon.

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  15. I don’t consider my self stupid, just uneducated in the area of substance abuse. I changed my phone number a couple of days ago. (My husband and I live in different cities until I retire in a few months). I started reading about crack and other addictions. I felt sick to my stomach over what my husband is doing and how maddening the cycle is. I feel upset because he does anything for me and I’ve been saying to him if he COULD stop his drug use he would. Reading and learning that while he MAY be able to, it is no easy road as he says. I don’t want to judge him because it sounds as if it is so hard. I just cant be a part of it. I feel sick and sorry over it at the same time. Needless to say I am in financial ruin, he pays for nothing and I had been rescuing him. I’ve learned a few things: I didn’t cause it. I cant’t cure it. I can’t control it. Don’t rescue him from natrual consequences or bail him out of crisis or financial situations. Let go. … Our lives could have been so great. To him I would say…(but I won’t). I love you but I got to go. I have only this one life to live. You made your choice and I havee made mine. God WILL see me through.

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  16. Imet my b/f thru a friend at work. we went on a blind date. I knew he had been clean off crack for 2 1/2 yrs. Everyone deserves a second chance. My husband had passed away from health problems. I was ready to start living again so I went out with him. We hit it off with so much in common ( I was never on drugs). This man had a heart of gold. He was from a very reliougous family. One of the best family’s you would ever want to be a part of. They told me that he has been the happiest person since we have been together and that they loved me for taking care of him and being so good to him. That just wasn’t enough to keep him from relapsing. I keep saying :what if I had “. I guess I let my guard down to soon. I will always love him for the person he was and remember how happy he made me until the night the demon “crack ” took him fromm me. On Sept, 19, 2010, the very first time he relapsed and had a massive heart attack. he didn’t make it. We would have been together 3 yrs next month. He had made me so happy, we did almost everything together. He was my best friend, now my happieness has been snatched away from me. He was only 42. I know he’s at peace now. He fought that battle so hard for so long. I think thats why GOD took him from me to keep him from having to fight that demon every day.

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  17. Pingback: The 7 Stages of Crack Cocaine Use | ChosenFast.com

  18. I’ve been using Crack Cocaine for a few months now and it’s really starting to drag me down an ugly misrable path that I know in my heart I don’t want to take! It started a few months ago when me and a friend were using cocaine (her being an “ex” crack user) and she had me take her to her neighborhood carryout store two hrs before they opened claming she really needed ciggarettes..eve after I offered to share mine until they opened she would rather have waited in their parking lot that two hours..The when we got back to her house she showed me the stem and explained to me that it was just for smoking coke and it was easier on her to do it that way. I’m not stupid I knew what it was and what it was for..So I tried it, and for two weeks straight she had us going everywhere trying to find ways to make money, borrow money and of course trying to find more crack in between! It drove me nuts all I wanted to do was go home. Even though the high was nice once it was gone I was done. She was never done until she was completely out of sources and money. Well one night we picked up our dealer to ride around the corner to make our “transaction” and he said he could use me to make runs since I lived two streets over from him..I agreed! And in return he would supply me on the nights I would make runs… At first I cared less if he gave me any or not and it didn’t feel like It had comtrol over me…but now It’s like I wait on the phone calls all night every night, hoping he calls needing a ride..sometimes he calls two or three times a night and sometimes a few days go by.. I swore I’d never spend money on it unless I had a few bucks to throw in on some (prefferably coke only though) with my friend but this past two days I’ve spent a hundred dollars on crack not counting what he’s gave me for running him. I feel like it’s already taken control of me and I hate it more then ever..I’m up all hrs of the night waiting on a hone call that may or may not come through and I’m thinking about money and how much I could spend or have to spend on it.. I want help NOW an don’t know where to turn..I feel lonly and lost without my friends but they are the whole reason I smoke crack, ciggarettes, and snort coke..before them I went to school, the gym, the spa and spent a lot of time with my kids and shopping and stuff..I used to judge people who used coke and crack and whatever else drugs..Now that I’m intheir shoes I pray to god nightly that somehow I get the strenght to quit!

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  19. I have been married for 12yrs. and I found out about my husbands addition when I was pregnat with my first boy. He had been smoking since he was 17. His g/f 8yrs older than he started him saying, if he wanted to stay there he had to smoke. This is what he says how true it is I don’t know his g/f passed away 6yrs. into their relationship with their unborn child. That has been a problem for him and me since. I met him 2yrs after their death. When I found out the first time he told me he did it to get closer to her. That was very hard for me. He has smoked every 2mths since he has gone 3mths and the bindge ranges from 1-14 days. I tried everything I could possibly try to help him but nothing ever worked. I helped him get through his withdrawls, the sweats, shakes, muscle spasms, pain like he was dying. All I could do was hold him because it was his body fighting itself. This is the worst part of it to see him suffer. He was hurt and collected a very large sum of money in Jan. 2008 and was broke within 3mths. I had left him for 6mths. Feb 2008 – Aug. 2008. It was the worst time ever in my life. He wouldn’t leave me alone I had a restraining order on him and he violated it many times, he went to jail and came out. He still came over and called and wanted me to hear him shoot himself. Long story short it was hell but I gave up tring to keep him away and took him back. He used 2wks later. Every time it’s the same,” I don’t want this anymore, I scared myself lastnight I almost died, I’m done., I wish I would have died, I can’t believe I did this why dosen’t God help me to stop, I don’t know why I left, I’m sorry, “and much more. I can tell him what he will say before he says it, it’s an endless routine and he dosen’t see it. I’m at a crossroad in my life and I’m very scared not only for my children and myself, how am I going to keep him away and not let my boys see him like that?, but for him as well, will the next hit kill him? I know I can’t change him and I’m affraid he will not stop. Every time he goes out I’m worried and stressed that he will not come home because he is down a gravel road in the middle of nowhere and no one will find him. Or some dealer will shoot him and burn his body. I’m helpless when it comes to his addition the only comfort is that I leave him in God’s hands. For all of you guys who want to know what to do for your b/f or g/f even sibling or child don’t give them money, if they say they need food buy it for them, if they say they need gas put it for them. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way, I’m sorry. If you are in a new relationship and just found out get out before it’s too late because they pull you in and feed off of your love & pitty for them. And for those of you who use Stop and get help PLEASE for your sake and your families. May God Bless You All

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  20. Losing the man I love to addiction has been the most unimaginably horrible, painful thing. I’m still in love with the man I met, but he has disappeared. If this was a normal relationship and we’d broken up, I could eventually get over it and move on. But we’re not broken up, he’s just lost in his addiction. How do I get over that?

    He still says, “I love you, I want to be with you,” but he’s not here for me emotionally at all, and most of the time, I don’t see him or hear from him because he’s drinking and drugging. I can’t imagine a future with a man who can’t keep a job or a car or anything else because of addiction. (If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an addict, you know all about what comes with that.)

    It’s as if the person I fell in love with is dead. He’s just gone. But it’s worse, really. If he actually had died (God forbid), I would at least be able to mourn that loss. Now, there’s this person walking around with his body, his face, his voice — but it’s not him! How do I handle that? It’s killing me. I constantly miss the man I fell in love with, and I look to who he is now for comfort, but even though it’s the same arms and the same voice, it’s not the same man, and there’s no comfort there. And that just hurts so much that I don’t know how I survive it.

    I’m torn between, “The man I fell in love with is gone — he’s never coming back”, and “As long as his body is still breathing, the man I love is still in there somewhere, and he can get better and come back.” It’s hard to have hope. I believe in God; I’m a praying Christian. But I also know how chronic addiction damages the body and the brain. I’m torn between hope and reality. Hope has won so far, because I’m still with him — if you can call where we are now “together”. He does.

    I can’t see a future for us, beyond the way it is now, which is no life at all. But I can’t see a way out either. I’ve tried Al-Anon, therapy, prayer. He’s tried AA, NA, multiple rehabs, prayer, therapy, medication and more. Still, we’re back to the same place: I can’t stop loving him. And he can’t stop getting high.

    I love him. And by that, I mean that I love the man I fell in love with. I don’t want anyone else. He may never be back. But I guess I’ll still be here waiting. I’m not going to leave the person he is today. It’s the closest thing I have to him. And there’s nowhere else to go. My heart is broken.

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  21. I’ve cut off all connections to my friend who’s a heavy user..And my car used for driving her/our dealer around is broken down and not getting fixed any time soon..I think that’s a sign that this is all going to end for me now. GOOD! I know myself and that’s not me.. I’ve always been a strong person but now I question myself and ask am I strong enough to fight this demond? And then I see my children and say yes, yes I am strong enough to fight it..I’d do anything for my kids! I turn the cell phone off I ignore the doorbell and handed over all cash and cards…I distract myself with housework, crafts, video games and internet. I throw out all the evidence and paraphernalia to avoid thinking of it!..The hardest thing I’ve ever done is force myself to take control again..But it’s just the begining and there is a long road ahead of me..One more year and I’ll be in a new City and State with a new start..but first I have to get my life back before that day never comes for me and my family! I can and will do this! A stubborn person who’s never listen to another persons advice a day in her life can only help herself but has to want to..I’ve always done what I wanted to do…I get angry when people tell me what to do..but for once in my life all I want is for someone to do something, help me, advise me, fix me..just tell me what to do…..and that’s when everyone turns their backs on me, judges me and gets angry with me…it’s up to me now and I can do this with or without them! Like with everything else in my life I want to prove them wrong!!!

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  22. my husband has done crack. I have caught him numerous times. I have asked that if he is going to do this, at least bring it home so I am not worried sick. Is there such a thing a a recreational crack user?

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  23. ive been with my girlfriend 8 months. when i met her she was 22 and i knew she had been addicted to crack and heroine. she had been clean for over 2 years when i met her. we had a great relationship and i really started to love her and she loved me. she ended up meeting this girl that was a gf of one of my friends that was a crackhead. so as i speak she has smoking crack for 5 weeks until i caught her. i told her she had to go and she tried commiting suicide because she didnt want me to leave her. i had to take her to the emergency room to get her stomach pumped. the thing that is most troubling to me is that she said when she went to pick up crack one day from her dealers house, he manipulated her into coming inside and ending up raping her….that is what she said…..of course i asked why she didnt go to cops or anything and she said bcuz she didnt have anyone else to get crack from……. hopefully someone can give me advice on handling this situation, of hopefully this story will help som1 else

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    • Hey fyi your girl ain’t get raped its the drug girls sell [their bodies] for crack she probly been doing it

      Editor’s note: This comment was edited for inappropriate language. Some comments get past the filter but I edit the ones I see. Commenters, please use clean language on this site. Thank you.

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  24. This is a reply to eric Dec. 2011…… Hope its not too late. If you read Steves story you can see what women will do for crack and heroin. You are young and she is young, she was clean as far as you know…….This may be a battle lost, a setback, the war is not over. She should try again and not give up on this setback as many do. However you cannot hitch your wagon to an addic they have to quit, you can only support the person when they do and encourage them if they dont.

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  25. Hi, im afraid that my parents are doing cocaine. I know that my aunt , & grandma are drug dealers. Sadly I think my mom and dad do it behind my back. I’ve suspected this because my mom buys my grandmas pills from her and her and my father drink about 3 beers each every night. They always get paid but by the end of the week there money is all gone. They say and debt to me that they don’t use it but im scared. I’m hurt by it. My mom won’t eat until all three of her beers are gone and neither will my father my mother and father take Tylenol p.m and im wondering if this helps put them to sleep while they are on cocaine.

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  26. Is there such a thing as a one time user? The person I know is a recovering alcoholic. Has been clean and sober for 7 years. Recently we found out he had a relapse and used cracked. He says he has only done it once and is not going to do it again. Please, someone!! Tell me if you can use crack once and be done with it.

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  27. To Lizzy: Yes, of course it’s possible to use crack once and be done with it, but I would venture to say that’s only true for a small percentage of people (<10%)? Also, you have to consider that doing it even only once will make using it again at some point in the future much easier to justify mentally. For example, in my case I tried it for the first time at age 20 and took only one or two hits. I did not try it again until I was drunk at a party 6 years later, but that first experience at age 20 had set me up for it like thinking "oh, well I've done this before so I can handle it". You can't smoke it for the 2nd and 3rd times without having smoked it for the first time, does that make sense? Anyway, two years after that I tried smoking crack again and it set in motion a binge that would last for 10 months solid and almost kill me.
    Then there's always the possibility that he's lying…

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  28. First i do understand the pain that being with a crackhead can bring,i have been a crack user for over 20 years the only time i have stopped is when i was locked up.I have used crack pretty much my whole life and have had at lease 30 jobs in one life time.The people who love me do not understand and niether do i,i have not tryed hard enough to stop,whenever things go bad i use crack,if my girl ask where my check is,i use and i use.But now i can see myself as a man who want more then a crack pipe and a beer,in my life there has to be a change are i will die or get locked back up.The real problem is that drugs have made me very selffish and taken my ability to love and feel for others,the drugs have become my wife,my lover,my job and whatever else i want it to be.When i hear other addits say they can’t stop i know that means i want stop because it’s all about me and what i want,and that’s just the way it is.The only way addicts can stop is to have a made up mind that the drug dealer is the devil out of hell who’s only job is to destroy you and the ones you love,drug dealers are the trash of the black community and should be put down just as a rabbit dog.But know one makes us seek out this trash.no we do that on our on not thinking of the ones we love and that love us,the only ones who care if we shower are eat are have a place to stay are the ones that we fuck over,while the drug dealer take our money and refuse to give you a 10 dollar rock when you have spent your whole check and have no gas to even get home.Now is the time to take back your life,to get back what the devil has stolen from us to be men and not men boys,i have made up my mind to fight this shit even if it kills me i have been a part of the problem for to long,we don’t have to live the way we do we can change but we must start today tommorow is to late.

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  29. I don’t understand why anyone would even think of smoking crack. Doesn’t make sense to me why anyone would choose to do a highly addictive substance that can ruin your life after one use.

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  30. I Have bee on crack for almost two years. people let me tell you for me things got real bad real fast. I was very successful. However, I seem to have ended up with almost nothing. Although I lost a lo of things I never lost my good heart and my morals. I never traded my body for drugs and I never stole anything. I sat down and faced the people I love and looked them in the eye and admitted what I was doing. If I had it to do over again I don’t think I would have told them anything at all. Everybody I was actually honest with steriotyped me right then and there and started not trusting me. Every addict is not alike. But we do have on thing in common and that is that we love to use and spend a lot of money on that habit doesn’t matter if it’s cash or personal belongings. I would have to say it’s by far the worst habit I have ever picked up.
    I spent so much money with some dealers and I agree I relate to Out of the Darkness13. The ones I spent the most money with sometimes wouldn’t even front me a ten dollar rock. When I would call they would either answer and say they would call me back and not do it or they wouldn’t answer at all. This would really piss me off. It didn’t happen often, but it should not have happened at all. As far as that goes I shouldn’t even have tried to get a front or call them. But, when you get a piece of the rock you just can’t turn it loose. I am so regretfull for what I have done and the people I hurt, but all I can do is say I am sorry and go on.I have got to concentrate on my recovery one day at a time. I know I can do it. But, I have been in seven rehabs in less than a year and it is very hard for me. I have to take it one day at a time and stay focused.

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  31. NEED HELP!
    I have been with my Bf about a yr and a 1/2. In the beginning I had no idea of his crack addiction. About 6-8 months into our relationship crack became part of us. A lot of this I am blaming myself for. I am the one who knows the dealer. I find myself going out several times a night just to get my Bf to leave me alone. I have smoked with him. I honestly don’t know why. I hate it. I hate him on it so why do I do this to myself? Why do I get it for him? He’s going to make me crazy. He will follow me, sit and stare at me..ask me repeatedly..it’s making me crazy. In one breath he says “we” have to stop and the next day he wants to smoke. He changes. He Is argumentative. He will insist he doesn’t say the things he just said. Everything is an argument. He becomes mean. Always always apoogizes after..means nothing anymore. He sees things that aren’t there yet constantly acusses me of making this stuff up. I have started telling him no. I won’t keep going out. Money is a disaster. Did I do this by getting it or am I a convenience that he keeps around because I can get it? I have never in my life seen anyone react this way to crack or coke. He becomes obnoxious and I feel like I can’t stand him. Why can’t I tell him

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  32. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 years and we had 2 kids. Her was addicted to pain killers due to surgies that he had and weaned himself off of them. About a month ago he tried to kill himself and told me that he used cocaine. Now when he got out of the hospital after being there for a week he dumped me but still lives with me which is stupid on my part cuz that is just making it worse for me and the kids cuz eventually he has to go. I’m an enabler I can see that now I don’t give him money anymore but he took my debit card one day so now I hide it or keep it on me at all times. I have to let him go so maybe he will see that he has to help himself. Problem is I don’t make enough money to support me and the kids but its not like he gives me any money I have to pretty much beg for him to pay bills. I recently found out that he hasn’t paid our home owners and god knows what the electric is up to now. I;m so tore because I love this man so much but as I have read above he is just a shell of a man that I once knew. I’ve been trying to distance myself so he can’t go and get it so often because we only have one car at the moment and thats a real big issue. Hes always leaving the car for me on empty so I have been doing the samething. He needs to get help and I need to let him go!! How do I find the strength to let go of him so he can get help!!!!

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  33. I didn’t choose this for my life. I was deceived and blinded because for once in my life I thought somebody loved me. I was 24 with very low self esteem and I would have never smoked crack on my own. I met a man, or 20 yr old boy rather, who sneaking and putting crack into what I thought were weed blunts. I noticed that one day my mouth was numb and I asked if weed was supposed to do that. He said yes because this is wet weed. It’s not dried completely so it sizzles. Now I know that I was being naive, but since I wasn’t familiar with drug usage I just went along. 6 months later his best friend told me what he had been putting into the weed, but it was six months too late. I’ve been able to deceive everyone for years. I’m a functioning addict and I look better than most 30 yr olds. ( Self grandeur has definitely taken control of my personality) I’m a manipulator, a liar, and a seductress. I’m so good at my trickery that I don’t even have to have sex to get what I want. I just turned 40 this past July. The boyfriend finally bailed on me after 10yrs of addiction and struggle. Now all I’ve left to remind me of him this past 7yrs is this nasty nasty disgusting habit. And it’s worse because I replaced the weed with the insides of the blunt guts. I know I am killing myself. My heart physically hurts everyday, and every night I go into my room and light 2 to 4 killers up. Heart failure is eminent. And to top it all off, I now have a new man in my life who just happens to be somebody else’s husband and a crack dealer! So now I get the nasty sh!t absolutely free and I’m officially a whore. I don’t want to die, I don’t want to go to hell and I don’t want to be ugly. I pray to God over and over again. I’m just waiting for Him to help me.

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  34. Keep praying and He will help you thru this. I’ve been on crack for over 20yrs. I can honestly say that My Higher Power delivered me from the habit. You will get sick and tired and when you do, you will want a better life for yourself. My vanity won’t allow me to put another pipe in my mouth because I see how alot of other people look after years of using this drug and I refuse to look older than I have to….lol…there is no fun in it no more. I don’t have shit. I’m rebuilding my whole life and boy is it hard. I’ve been to jail so many times. I can’t do anything now but go up!! The ride is over for me. I advise anyone never to try it or sell it..

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  35. Im heart broken

    im new to this, my boyfriend is a crack addict…he came out of a rehab 5 months ago which he spent 13 months he is a Christian and so am I. he was doing so well he slipped a few months ago but got back on track, he even gave me his card so I can monitor or be with him when he needs money for food and he would give it straight back.

    2 weeks ago he decided he is a big man an doesn’t want me to baby him so he didn’t give me back the card, he had started drinking an smoking again for a while but three weeks ago he spent all his money on crack and was absent for about 2 days, he answered his phone a few times in between and then asked for my help when he was crashing very remorseful etc

    beginning of this week he was at mine and started acting rude anxious agitated and I knew he want to go finding every excuse or an argument. Knowing he was getting his money in 2 days worried me. Lo and behold the Wednesday we communicated but now its Friday and he is not answering his phone.

    why do they ignore your calls or turn off there phone????

    does he not love me???

    I keep blaming myself??

    have I not prayed enough???
    its breaking my heart….im crying all the time is it my fault??

    he has been an addict for 25 years

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  36. Clean 4 years now…when I was using I turned off the phone and disappeared too…a big part of that is the crack. It was as much the “high” as the “numb”…it just numbed you mentally, and there is no care in the world left after that hit, except your next hit…that’s why crack addicts disappear; the little world of using that is created becomes the only thing that matters…

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  37. Thank you so much, Everyone, for your honest and heart-wrenching accounts. This has been the most helpful information I’ve found yet. My boyfriend is a recovering crackhead. He lived the dark side for more than twenty years and h been in recovery for about three years. When he came into my life again just last February, I had missed his decades of crack use…he was my boyfriend for a short time when we were twenty years old and we were good friends for ten years or so after that, then we lost touch. Now we are in our fifties, and we were both over the moon at finding each other again. But. I have just recently come to understand how so much of my behaviour affects his success. That might sound weird, that I would take that on myself, but listen. I didn’t do my research. I knew him before he ever discovered crack and I met him again after he had rescued himself. I have been treating him like I would any healthy person, and expecting him to behave like any healthy person and now I know that isn’t realistic. I have gotten mad at him countless, countless times and let him know by being mean or yelling at him. I have been going through the emotional turmoil of post menopause (TMI, I know, but it’s actually relevant). My emotional state since we got together nine months ago has been to overreact emotionally. If it is the end of the world if he so much as sounded grumpy toward me. I just didn’t understand how hard it is for him every day. One time when we got together, I even brought us some MDMA because I’d never tried it and I felt so completely safe and trusting in his company that I thought it would be a cool time to try it and it would only bring us together. Understand that we are of the generation that grew up in the sixties and seventies and it was very common and considered the fashion of the day to be doing drugs like weed, acid and mushrooms at the very least. Lots of coke around too those days and it was so casual. I worked in record stores in the seventies and people would be snorting lines in the bck room at work and smoking weed at lunch, no eyebrows raised among the population of us who lived in the privileged world of recreational drug use. So, we had that in our past too, which made it easy for me to accept that he had been an addict. I don’t do drugs at all these days, except I do smoke weed, and it was a fluke of bad timing and a rare stupid idea I had to bring the M that time. Of course…what a stupid thing to do to someone who is always at risk of relapse, and especially if they take another drug or alcohol, because that reminds their addiction of the high they used to get and still want so much if it wasn’t going to kill them to keep being an addict. Anyway, my original point that I wanted to pass on here is this. I totally believe that a person can be a crack addict in recovery and be successful with it. They need to live a peaceful life, without anyone taking him to task for the terrible things they may have done when they were an addict, and no one reminding them of who they used to be when they were using. The cravings are very fierce, even as I say, three years after quitting. My man was only able to quit for good after a couple last years of starting to see that he was killing himself, because he was knocked off his bicycle by a car and broke so many bones in his body that he could hardly breath, never mind take a haul on a crack pipe. He was laid up for a year, with no access to crack, as he had no way now to do whatever he had to do to get money. And so he was saved. When he got better, he took a job in the country where he finds the peace and quiet and serenity helps him not to think of crack. He finds the city and it’s pace and it’s noises stress him out and stress is a trigger for him to want to self medicate. Now that I understand so much more about what it it’s like for him, I will be more kind and less angry. I just didn’t get it before. I’ve driven him to feel badly about bad judgement calls he has made I stead of being a friend and letting him know in a healthier way how I am feeling. I don’t know if there is a future for me and my love…my dear old friend who once had all the promise and potential in the world as he is a wicked talented singer and guitarist…he lives with extreme disappointment in himself for throwing away all of the years when he could have made much better choices for himself. I don’t know if we have a future as a couple, but I will try and be his friend a lot more knowledgeably this time around. Take care all of you affected by this evil, evil drug…and I’m not exaggerating…what it does to good people is nothing but evil…there is hope, but the addict has to want to get better, really really badly. Peace and love, People

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  38. It’s a mind-blowing thing to think that a person would choose that habit over a wife and a stable home. I used for years myself, but finally realized THAT’S not WHO I am, and stopped. With the grace of God, and common sense. I had to leave my husband, who was my greatest influence. Unfortunately, I got back with him, and he continues to use, thinking he can get set free on his own..I’m going to leave the state this time if he chooses that over ME. Running for my life…it’s HIS choice.

    I read THE 7 STAGES OF WITHDRAWAL and found it very informative. It wasn’t that way for me though, as I guess I was just a “user” not a full-blown, 20+ year functioning addict… I choose to live a better life, and am more of a realist.

    AM observing now before I make my decision…either THAT or ME.

    Won’t take second place any longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  39. This drug showed me how pathetic other people and the set-up of life is. 50% of why people get violent/angry is because other people seem to push you when your low. Or they stereotype you, gain self esteem by judging your bad habits to feel better about themselves. This drug is bad and deadly, but I think part of the inevitable relapse is other people. Eventually you wanna die just to shut the people up and close your eyes for good so you don’t have to see the bullshit about life that makes you sick. If you abuse this drug your better of dead because you’ll never forget or be the same, no matter how hard you try pretend. It’s easy to lie to yourself just to get through the day. It’s not easy to forget the biggest mistake of your life.

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  40. EDITOR’S NOTE: My apologies for the length of time some of the comments have been in moderation before being approved and published. I’ve made some adjustments to ensure this doesn’t happen going forward.

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  41. Wow I learned a lot. I have a girlfriend who is addicted and she is so fucked up that I hate her she is 56 and delusional. Now I have to get rid of her. She looks sooooo old. She doesn’t think so.

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    • Tiyari, I understand that sometimes we suffer so much in the relationship with the addict that we have to leave in order to become healthy ourselves. Even so, I hope that you will someday be able to forgive her and have some mercy in your heart for her, even though you are away from her, and even if you don’t see her again. She has a disease. Forgiveness releases you as much as it does her. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Most of us here understand, having gone through it ourselves.

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  42. Hello boys and girl i have a question very important for me. Im from french i wold you like know how and why its possible than you see your girlfriend want to do sex after used crack with your friend
    with the movements and glances between them , in front of me , in the same room as the hotel without fear I know it help mee

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  43. I found my husbands crack pipe and lighter rolled up in a pair of boxers in our bathroom yesterday afternoon. I am 35 weeks pregnant with our 2nd biological child, I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship and a 13 month old. He got mad at me and said why did I ruin today by going through and sorting dirty clothes. I wanted to get some laundry done but that didn’t happen cause I confronted him with the pipe. He tried to say he had found it in his things and was going to throw it out but I know that’s a lie because the lighter I found with it went missing a couple of days ago cause I use it to turn my scented candles on. I got very upset and hit my arm so hard he left a mark on it. He then asked for it and I said no and he then pushed me up against the kitchen wall and choked me in front out 13month old. He continued to ask for it and I refused to hand it over so I walked in to our room, he punched a whole into the bathroom door them he wrestled me trying to pry the pipe out of my hand pinching my left breast and belly leaving me bruises. We have been together 3 years coming up to our 2nd year wedding anniversary. When we started dating I found a pipe and confronted him. He said he needed help and I stuck around. He did good we got married I was 2 weeks pregnant already and then the awful time began. He started staying out late during our first yr of marriage and my pregnancy. We fought a lot. He wanted to go to marriage counseling. One day he asked me to make the appointment for counseling I didn’t so he took of in my car and didn’t come home. I looked for him everywhere at work with friends and other people no where to be found. Come to find out he was pulled over for speeding, charged with dui and under substance, resisting suspended license. I was so mad and 6 months pregnant at the time. He was locked up for 1 month and sent to a rehab program for 3 months which he was let go from after 1month. I had my baby 2 days before we all went home together. Things were awesome, he was awesome and eventually it went back to being the same. I got pregnant again 5 months later. He is so mean and disrespectful to me. He calls me bitch, broad, fat bitch(mind u I’m pregnant) bad mother, not a woman, says it’s all my fault, it’s my fault he relapsed, it’s my fault cause I don’t take him to church, it’s my fault cause I’m not affectionate( how could I when he is always putting me down, saying I’m gonna end up alone, another girls want him, he could be doing better if he hadn’t married me.) I love him I really do but I think I’ve reached my limit and may just have to take my 2 girls and leave him. I am due for a c section in 3 and half weeks with our son. He said he would change when I had our daughter a year ago but that was a lie. I just have lost all faith and don’t trust him anymore. It really hurts but I need to find the strength to let him go and focus on me and the kids. He called after he left and said he will stop if I go to church with him but I honestly don’t believe it. What should I do???

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  44. Until you face the void inside of you that you are trying to fill, addiction will be a life long problem. Until you learn that life is not about constantly seeking immediate gratification. That the void inside cant be filled, its about accepting the void and living with it in peace. Only then can you hope to deal with your addiction and treat it for what it is in most instances a retreat from the inner void.

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  45. Pingback: The 7 Stages of Crack Cocaine Use | 7 Stages of Crack Cocaine

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